Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
