my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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