His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize