I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
