Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
