Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
