The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
