at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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