Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
