I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
