lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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