i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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