i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
