I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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