I'm going to jail i love you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
