I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
