so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
