Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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