The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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