Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
