Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
