Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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