My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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