I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize