You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
