I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
