The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
