she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
