just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
