I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
