im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
