I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
