You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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