You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize