so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
