you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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