I wannas sexs uuuuu
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
