The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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