Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You left your phone here
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