Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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