i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
