So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
