I CAN MOONWALK!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize