i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
