I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
