oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
