Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
