Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
