the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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