And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
