The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
