doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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