Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize