I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just found puke in my bra..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
