If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
