I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize