does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
