Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
