I want to stick my p in your. b.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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