i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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