Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
