Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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